Tribute post: John Dyer Baizley

His artwork is most recognizable as album art for bands like Baroness, Pig Destroyer, Skeletonwitch, and Kvelertak: the use of bright colours and boldline work is something that I both really admire, and have been trying to incorporate into my own art in the past few months. A quick google search will bring up his own website (which, hopefully, will be selling merch and prints soon!), so in the meantime, I will leave you with a picture of one of the most beautifully drawn women I have ever seen (on the left).

no words

This is some really powerful stuff. I haven’t really posted much on music here, or had time to really practice music because of my current schedule…but when I come across stuff like this, it gets me more motivated than ever to start making music again. First step is getting through this semester, and seeing how much money I have after I finish selling a lot of my crap back home that I don’t need.

One of my major excuses as to why I don’t change what I’m doing is telling myself that “I have such a good thing going on in my life right now.” But if I that were true, I’d be perfectly content to remain where I am in life, right? It’s just a matter of figuring out what it is. Much easier said that done though. Not a whole lot else to say right now. I think I might’ve given myself minor whiplash from judo last night…I’ll know better tomorrow. I’ll check back in once I actually have something to say.

On music I loved growing up.

It’s been quite a few years since I graduated from high school and since I was really into doing drugs, and as such I can now safely admit to myself and the rest of the blogging community: when I was 15 – 16, there were several bands that I didn’t really like, and listened to/bought records of more for the sake of image and looking cool/punk/trve than actually enjoying the music. It’s not a fact I’m particularly proud of, but I’m certainly not alone on this issue, and I think it was definitely a necessary part of realizing what I DO really like/cherish musically and stylistically.

In one of my older posts, I talked a bit about dropping my political science minor, and my reasons for doing so basically being that I’m an inconsiderate tit who will never succeed in helping people on that large of a scale. Which I’m also okay with. But back before I realized this, I listened to a lot of politically charged punk music: A//Political, Oi Polloi, A.P.P.L.E, Masskontroll, Iskra, etc. Now, none of these bands are bad per se — hell, I still have Oi Polloi and Iskra on my computer and the only reason why I don’t have the others is predominately laziness. But, I’m really not a political person. I’m a “everyone needs to find their own path, and should have the right/means to do so” type of person. I worked at a polling station for the past federal election, and watched a guy break into hysterics and proceed to tear his voter card in a pieces and storm out of the building, screeching profanity because the parking outside was so terrible. That, folks, is what politics does to the Human Mind. Some people can handle it…but the vast majority of us (myself included), are too feeble-minded to comprehend what it would take to try and make everyone happy/satisfied/functional.

So I leave it up to those who have the guts to take on that task, and leave the social dysfunction and mental misery for myself. Bands like Fucked Up, Caustic Christ, Rancid, Black Flag, Ceremony…all great stuff that I loved, revisited, and still love today, even if not for the same reasons. And hell, it’s not like I discovered everything there was to listen to during my adolescence: bands like OFF!, the Dwarves (checked out, but not fully appreciated until I was 18) and the Melvins I never really bothered to pay attention to until after I came of age. And it’s not limited to just these bands: I’m not trying to namedrop, just trying to give a few examples of bands so make this post seem a little more tangible. Point is, the great thing about music is that it means so much to so many different people, even at different points in their lives.

The other aspect here that I want to quickly address (quickly because I’m hungry and not paying much attention right now) is that of record collecting. Particularly in the more ‘extreme’ genres of music, vinyl records and analog tapes are scene as an essential part of the culture, and keeping the underground spirit alive in their respective musical traditions. I used to spend ALL of my job money on records when I was in grade school — keeping in mind that I worked two jobs at this point in time, so I had a fair bit of cash to burn — trolling the internet on a daily basis to see what long-saught-after piece of plastic I would acquire for that paycheque. When I relocated to Ontario, I was forced to leave my record collection behind out West, and although I continued to avidly buy records and take part in the practice of trading/collecting analog music throughout the first year, as my life began to change, I stopped placing so much value on my record collection, and even ended up selling a portion of it off to pay for my martial arts club membership. I don’t regret this decision at all, but it really marked a departure in my own values/philosophy, because when I was 16 – 17, I valued most of my records above my unborn children. I’m much more transient now, and because of that it’s a lot more value to me to have a good music player/have my favorite tunes on my computer than it is to have physical hard copies. It’s not as if I respect any of the bands any less (quite the opposite), it’s just that my life circumstances have shifted, and I can’t afford to place the same value on material goods as I could when I was growing up. Even with my comic book collection, I appreciate them as pieces of art, but the time will come when I’ll need to sell most of them to pack up and leave. I won’t be too torn up about it –provided that they go to a good home (i.e. someone who will actually read them instead of keeping them in air-tight plastic bags). A lot of people bitch and moan about how buying records makes them ‘trve’/somehow above people who don’t. Nothing to do with that, just different circumstances and values. People in the 80s likely didn’t listen to mp3s/bought records because iPods didn’t yet exist. Not to mention (and I realize for a lot of punk and metal bands, band members actually owned and ran the labels so that the money would circulate back into the music scene) bands didn’t/don’t make that much off record sales: concerts/merch is where the real money comes in.

Anyways. I should really fucking study and eat. Just something I wanted to throw out there since I haven’t been writing a lot of public blog entries lately.

face numbing madness

Just finished hammering out the majority of my U.S. Politics paper, and I feel like I’ve been punched in the head. It’s not due for sometime, but if I manage to get the bulk of my schoolwork done this weekend, I can travel to Toronto for a few days worry-free from the constraints of undergraduate life. Here’s to hoping…

It seems as if everyone I talk to or know is disillusioned with the post-secondary system here in Canada in some way. Or the mere decision to be in university. Myself? I can’t lie, I chose to go to school in Ontario as a means of escaping The West. I severely doubt I would be anywhere but Calgary (possibly B.C. but we’ll never know), or even have graduated from high school if it hadn’t been for my territorial ambitions. As I write this post, my thoughts now are similar to the ones I had when I was 17: dreaming of the Next Big Adventure whilst I muddle through all the bureaucratic bullshit here. Except this IS my big adventure. Or was supposed to be. I think going from a kraft-dinner-and-cookies 24/7 diet to 15+ martial arts training and 99% homemade meals diet is indicative of some sort of adventure or life-altering event occurring. People often give the excuse about some dreary or embarrassing habit in their lives, that it’s “just always been that way” or “it’s just who I am”. Saddest part of all that is that I know I give that excuse too, sometimes (even though, as I just demonstrated with the above example, it’s complete bullshit. You can do whatever you want if you want it badly enough. Trust me on this one).

But back to the undergraduate degree rant. For some careers, it works out beautifully. Had I still wanted to be a professional journalist, I’d be gunning for top-slot at the Ontarion and trying my hand at online journalism when and wherever I could. Alas, life sucks and I’ve realized my life’s calling does not centre around anything you can learn in an expensive institution — not to decry anybody’s dream who does. I feel like A LOT of people’s dreams don’t depend on an expensive piece of paper though — but for so long, we were somehow convinced that they were. And they ARE, in a way, when you consider the state of our bullshit economy. Don’t get me started on OWS…we’ll be here all night…

good friend of mine sent me a picture of her first tattoo (18 going on 25). Call me a pervert, but there’s something incredibly aprodadic about a woman’s naked back. Maybe it’s knowing what’s on the other side when she turns to face you, maybe it’s just the natural curves and anatomy of the Feminine Creature. There was a girl who used to sit in front of me in my World Religions class in high school that always wore open back shirts/dresses. She was a grade above me, and at least one year my senior. I was 16 and disgusting. I couldn’t help but melt in my seat everytime I looked up from doodling to see that beautiful, bare back, mere inches from my face. Inches….anyways, point is, I don’t know why I’m turned on by that. Maybe I’ll know when I’m older. Just a thought.

Not dead/tentative bucket list

This post is long overdue; I was hoping to postpone until I got my green belt in judo (should be testing/competing for the first time in a few weeks) and then do a big post about judo/martial arts, but I don’t know when that’s actually going to happen. Instead, I’m going to be writing about something a little more open-ended.

Although I’m committed to another 2 years of university, my graduation will rear its head soon enough, and I’ll be home-free, at 21 years of age. Thanks to my extremely fortunate circumstances and generous parents, I’ll be graduating debt-free and armed with whatever savings I manage to make from now until then. I’ve had some ideas about what I’d like to do once I’m free from the bonds of academia, but they’ve always been far off and not particularly well-looked into, because of said commitment. While I’ve got at least three different papers and 2 midterms to write/study for today, I stumbled across Location 180, and was inspired by Sean’s Bucket List. This blog is certainly not as focused as his [nor do I think it ever will be], but one thing I think we DO have in common is our desire to experience as much as we possibly can in our destitute lifetimes. And while this is far from complete (and even farther from feasible) at this point in my life, I’m always up for a challenge, and this list compiles just a few of the things I’ll be looking forward to in coming years.

#1. Fight in at least 10 different competitions (doesn’t matter what martial art/fighting style)

#2. Compete in judo

#3. Try out competitive boxing/possibly have an amateur bout

#4. Live on the coast for at least 4 months

#5. Learn to surf (probably while living on said coast)

#6. Earn a black belt in judo or BJJ.

#7. Get symmetrical and/or “matching” tattoos somewhere on my body (i.e. both knees, both wrists, etc.)

#8. Meet or ideally share a beer with Warren Ellis, Simon Bisley, or Alan Moore.

#9. Release an album or EP.

#10. Get a band going and play a few good shows.

#11. Start/have a garden/grow my own foodz.

#12. Give myself a tattoo.

#13. Give someone else a tattoo.

#14. Design another tattoo for myself.

#15. Shave my head.

#16. Travel back to Australia or Hawaii.

#17. Travel to Asia.

#18. Achieve decent traffic on this blog.

#19. Delete facebook/other social networking for at least 4 months.

#20. Become as strong and fast as my body will possibly allow me to.

#21. Attend a metal festival in Europe.

#22. Have a job that involves working by/at a harbour.

#23. Learn to ride a motorcycle.

#24. See the [Australian] Outback.

#25. Go somewhere I don’t speak the native tongue, and adapt/survive.

#26. Win gold/first place in any martial arts tournament.

#27. Have a job that involves helping people.

Broken but undefeated

I’ve been trying to write a new blog post on here for quite some time now, but something always comes up and distracts me from finishing…September is usually a busy month for people my age, and I’m no exception. Speaking of which, I’m no longer a teenager in the eyes of society…both legally and culturally an adult. I know I’m supposed to say that the past 20 years have just flown by, but I can’t say that they have. Time has always moved at an oozing crawl for me, and I assume will continue to do so for the remainder of my years. Isn’t great that everyone dies? No matter how much you hate or love someone (or even yourself, for that matter), one can always take comfort in knowing that eventually we’ll all be dead at one point or another.

I’ve really, really been lacking on the writing. I’ve seen the amount of essays/presentations/midterms I have in October, and I feel no guilt in post-poning any sort of professional or recreational writing commitments until I absolutely have to because of it. Which begs the question, why am I writing this now? Well, it seems depression has been rearing its ugly head in my life once again, and I’m not entirely sure why. But, if there’s one thing I’ve gleaned from the last ten years, it’s that writing does seem to help me hash out my problems. So here’s how it’s been for the past little while:

I got promoted in BJJ. Another step closer to my next belt. But I didn’t feel that happy about it, for some reason. It’s been about 6 months since my last promotion, and I suppose I’m just feeling down about how slow-going it’s been for me. Having said that, I /am/ moving up faster than many of my peers, which does help put it into perspective for me. It’s tough to stick with something when you’re just starting out; I’m putting my heart and soul into something that ultimately, I’m very inexperienced at. Every sensei and professor and Grand Master has to start somewhere…but goddamn, does that point seem far off for me.

Same goes for art as well, really. The amount I’ve improved in 4 months (basically notebook doodles to semi-respectable flash tattoo material) is pretty amazing; but again, I still have miles to go, particularly in regards to colouring. At the time of writing this, my only experience with paint is making band patches out of acrylics and cut-up t-shirts. I’ve never painted with watercolours in my life, but the more art I see, the more appealing the medium has become to me. As much as I love working with India ink/markers, it’s really tough to get a lot of the colour-fading that I desire in my work. Fortunately, my generous parents bought me some paints and paper for my twentieth jubilant journey around the sun; so my lack of money/art supplies is no longer an excuse for me. I’m hoping to spend the weekend experimenting/painting some pieces for friends, and finally achieving the colours I want. It might also be the start of designing a new tattoo for myself (and no, I’m not even finished my current leg sleeve. Arg). Any favourable results will be uploaded in due course.

Oh yeah, and I’m doing a degree or something right now as well. It keeps me entertained/learning, which is good. But I’m still searching for something new right now, that I haven’t found yet. Specifically, I’d like to do something urban farming or queer activism, but opportunities have fit with my current time commitments have eluded me thus far. Not that I’ve been searching very hard to begin with…also looking for things to do during the summer. I’d like to go on another adventure, just unsure when or what. Lots of uncertainty right now, but I’d be fucked up if it the situation were anything but.

I’ll close this out by sharing an exercise that a friend showed me last night, that helps to put one’s problems/depression into perspective:

1. Write down every possible aspect of your life that makes you feel any negative emotions.

2. Put a + or – sign beside each one; + indicates it’s within your control, – out of your control.

3. Look at what’s in your control and scale it out from a scale of 1 to 10, 10 being constant mindache, 1 being basically nothing.

I was pretty shocked to see how many of my problems WERE within my control…goes to show what a lazy/whiny bastard I really am subconsciously. But regardless, I found it to be quite helpful, and recommend it to anyone who’s feeling particularly stressed out or depressed. It’s not a problem solver, but it’ll help put things into perspective and aid in learning how not to worry about stupid shit.

Back to the salt mines

September’s often a hectic month, with 2011 coming to a close, and for many others, school starting up again. I’ve gotten through my first two days of third year, and all of my courses seem bearable/maybe even fun. What struck me today in particular, was the second year Children’s Literature course that I’m taking as an elective; even though the fast majority of students are only a year or so younger than myself, I felt overwhelmingly older. Seems like there’s some weird maturity gap between 19 and 20 that you don’t really notice until you’re about to cross over. Sort of like the difference between being 12 and turning 13. Huh.

Anyways, I’m still waiting on some information for my two articles. But if I don’t receive it by tomorrow afternoon, I’ll start writing them with what I’ve got. Next time I’m writing from my computer, I’ll link this blog to my previous work as well.

Otherwise, I have my first counseling appointment on Monday afternoon. My friends have all been quite supportive of some of the issues I’ve been experiencing over the past month, but they’re partisan and only capable of so much. I’m usually not (re: never) a fan of therapy, but having an impartial third voice to hear me out is probably the best thing I can do for myself right now.

Tattoo session number 3 tomorrow evening. A cool idea for an arm or chest piece popped into my head a few days ago, but I haven’t had the time to sit down and sketch it out. Considering how hellish October is looking for me, I’m trying to get ahead of my school work now — this unfortunately meaning that art is going to have to take a bit of a backseat for now.

That’s about all for reflections right now. The winter usually brings about a period of heavy introspection for me, so expect more ramblings as the Year of Death rears its somber head.

The wild rose withers as the Northern winds make their triumphant return

For whatever reason, life decided to give me an iPhone 4. On the brightside, it means one less device to worry about, as well having a map/compass at my disposal. On the other hand, it’s not as if anyone texts me anyways nowadays, and it eliminates any excuse I had for being piss poor at reading/ returning emails.

Oh, and now I can blog, anytime, anywhere, provided I have my phone with me. Brilliant.

I just finished doing an interview with the lovely Cliks frontman, Lucas Silveira. I had no idea whether he was going to be a gigantic douchebag or a great guy. Thankfully, he was the latter. The interview went great, and now I’ve got tons of material for two new articles – as well as a pitch for another Escapist piece, once I’ve got a moment to breathe.

In the meantime, I’m waiting at Club Sapien to meet my recently “out” friend, so we can go and get him laid. As sexually deprived as I may be, I also walked over 50 blocks last night to get home, I’ve had only 6 hours of sleep, I have a bit of a cold, and I’m not exactly the most handsome devil to begin with. But, you never know… oddly enough, there’s always hope for an underdog like me, no matter how rough it gets.

Beer helps. For sure. But I need to get back to my fucking life. I miss sleeping and fighting and getting tattooed and eating well. I love my albertan friends to death, but my life here often feels more like a business trip than a vacation. Eat like crap, buy a bunch of shit, get wasted, do a little paperwork, get back to the real world. Or something. God, am I fucking awful without a good night’s sleep. I can’t even sleep when I’m drunk anymore. No rest for the wicked. Sleep continues to flee from me, and I keep paying the price.

Oh yeah, I turn 20 in a little over two weeks from now. It’s hard to believe I’ve made it this far. I really have accomplished a lot, but when you’re this young its near impossible to appreciate anything. But I’m just rambling at this juncture, trying to keep awake until my unholy entourage gets here. Since I’m feeling generous tonight though, I’ll spare any readers I have The Madness and wrap this up.

Sleep tight, Calgary.

Protect ya’ neck

Another summer come and gone, as the end of my summer vacation rears its ugly head once again. It’s beckoning me back to the land of deadlines and grades and judgements that won’t mean anything in a few years’ time, but mean everything until then. I still have two full days in Calgary, but I haven’t packed/done any reading/really accomplished a lot that I said that I would. Well, that’s not completely true. This week, I’ve forced myself to hang out with someone everyday, to make up for my lack of socialization during the summer. Despite being accustomed to isolation, it was a breath of fresh air to exchange dreams and ambitions with the people I grew up with. What I found that I experienced — and many of my friends who are of a similar age — is that I really did not have my life figured out like I thought I did. My summer was not one that I could categorize as ‘fun’, in any sense of the word. But I learned a shitload about myself, and what I have to do to get by in the world. This past month in particular, has seemed so vivid for me. I’m trying to reconcile all of my past admirations into some semblance of a functioning human being, but doing so is probably one of the most difficult things I’ve ever had to do. To say the least…

I’ve got one final interview to do on Saturday evening with Lucas Silveira of The Cliks, and then I can start pounding out all of my articles. Then it’s back to my training regiment for a few days, then taking more time off so my leg sleeve can heal. Somewhere in there is my 20th birthday, and two possible music projects. And that’s assuming that I don’t get accepted to join OUTline at the University of Guelph — which, in all honesty, seems 50/50. And working on my art. The next month will definitely keep me busy, but that’s how I like it. I think James Bond/Ian Fleming said it best:

“Drinks first. We’ve got all the time in the world to think about love.”

Wild rose bound

Just waiting to depart YYZ in 20 minutes or so. Not really enough time to boot up my computer so Im trying out the WordPress app. A few irritating things but for the most part not bad at all.

Beyond the usual suffocating nature of air travel, I’m also realizing that the nonstop bombardment of noise/ads does not enhance the experience. I’m hoping to sleep through most of the flight, anyhow.

Also looks as if I’m going to have start moving up and on in my life. In the next year or so, I may very well make one of the most important decisions of my life. I havent been happy with myself for as far back as I can remember, really. I’ll be turning 20 in less than a month, and I deserve to feel comfortable in my own skin, even if i lose friends and family over it. though it’s not like I have to many to begin with…

Article is still in the draft stages, as well as a review/comparison of Fan Expo 2011 coming up.